Party time...new freedom, life without sickness, worries...I quickly fell head-over-heals in love with my beautiful new bride. She made life fun again, risking it all, adventure, dancing in the rain!!! We jumped in a car and set out to stake our claim, to make it! Four years later our son was born, we wanted to give him all the worldly things we did not have growing up...family, stuff, stability. Life rolled on, attempted to expand our family....no luck...I began to take and make it, continued to numb life through drinking as pressures built, moving up the corporate ladder, sacrificing family time for financial gain...thinking all was well back home..."I was in control", but the reality was I did not listen, could not hear or feel what meant the most to me in life...numb. The crash - train wreck - after 16 years life dream #2 was over, divorce (D2), again...I hit rock bottom, no confidence in life. Something always was always missing, what could it be?
Saturday morning, what am I going to do, wanted to run...get out...my son and I drove around, talking, passed in front of his school he said "let's go to church, dad". What? We had not gone before, Sundays were for fishing and drinking...OK, "what church do you want to checkout?"...he told me of this "Rock-n-Roll' church he had attended with a friend. We did not know how life was about to change for us, mom was leaving and I was about to find what was missing...
Sunday morning..."Life Change" it stated in big letters across this large painting, the bloody body on a cross, with his hand reaching out...I knew it was Jesus but did not think anything of it... then the pastor spoke about the wilderness, how we have all sinned, yet God loves us, sent his only Son and if we believe in him we are never alone...we are "born again"...I LOST it, cried like a baby...can't remember the last time I showed any emotions, I felt like the pastor was talking directly to me, like no one else was around...did he know me, what I was feeling?

As our life change was happening, adjusting to the D2 process, I was not feeling life's pressure and needed to know more, what was going on?...purchased a Bible, could not wait to hear more about Christ on Sunday. A few weeks later I asked Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior...went to see the pastor, wanted to know what was going on with me...felt different, expressing feelings, letting go...I am not in control and it's OK, BTW no more Jack Daniels, no more numb life...I want to feel everything!!! The pastor suggested I read "Born Again" by Charles Colson, on page 117, I could totally related to Mr. Colson's experience...this is how I felt when I gave all of me to Jesus.
Paul writes in the Bible asking God to take away his thorn of the flesh... "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’" Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong".—2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NASB)
Thank you for praying for me and I wanted to make sure you know who I am, my weakness, I am letting God do the changing from now on, from the inside out.....
